Counselling Archives - Incentive Counselling

Posted: June 16, 2020

Individual Counselling ,Counselling ,Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Dr. Burns Podcast #10, 11, & 12 – Common Cognitive Distortions

I am continuing my breakdown of Dr. Burns Podcasts. I have tried to put them in a logical order and skipped ones that are more for practitioners. As I have mentioned, they are very interesting to listen to, but I get it – who has the time? Below is a quick overview of Podcast #10, 11, and 12, all explaining some cognitive distortions. There are more, but it does give you and idea of what they are. If you would like to listen to the full podcasts and many others, click to go to Dr. Burns’ Feeling Good website. Not ready? The read below will get you started.

Podcast #10 – First 3 Distortions

It is not what happens to us, but our interpretation of what is happening to us.

This concept was introduced in the 1950’s by Albert Ellis and popularized in the 1960’s by Aaron Beck.

The idea is:

Thoughts create feelings – thoughts that upset us are often distorted and illogical.

Depression, Anxiety, and Anger are triggered by fraudulent, wrong thoughts.

Looking at things in a different way can have powerful effects.

It is human nature – we make ourselves miserable by looking at things in a way that is not realistic.

Cognitive Distortions are what you are telling yourself.

1. All or Nothing Thinking

This is black and white thinking based in the here and now. Examples are thoughts like:

I am going to blow an event completely.
I am totally worthless.
Things are going to be wonderful or terrible.
I am a loser.

Typically, they are 100% negative.

Perfectionism, borderline personality disorder are caused by all or nothing thinking.

Positive All or Nothing Thinking – When we are trying to be perfect, our work is often not the best. It is distorted to think we have to be #1 and anything less than 100% perfect is unacceptable.

2. Over-generalization

This occurs when we experience a negative event and project it into the future. Examples of thoughts are:

I am always messing up.
I am never going to…
I will be alone forever.
No one will ever love me.

Positive over-generalization – If someone is suffering from depression – the negative distortion is that we will never recover. Recovery occurs when we realize the negative thoughts we had were distorted. We experience the greatest happiness and think I will be happy forever. This is distorted because we will relapse at some point.

3 & 4 Mental Filter & Discounting the Positives

These two go hand in hand. We do this when we focus on the negative and discount the positive. We take in something positive and we convince ourselves it doesn’t count. Our negative mental filter rejects it.

An example of when we might do this is we receive several glowing positive reviews, but one negative. We shift our focus 100% on the negative review. We hyper-focus on errors and the negative. If we score 80% on a test, we focus on the 20% we got wrong. If someone gives us a compliment, we think they are only being nice to us. (“Imposter Syndrome” is often the result of this type of thinking)

You can have a positive mental filter which is distorted as well. Dr. Burns used Donald Trump as an example, because when he receives criticism, he views the other person as flawed.

When we are criticized, we naturally want to defend ourselves, discounting the validity of the criticism. Most of us learn to view criticism as constructive when it is meant to be, not as a personal attack.

Listen to Podcast #10 here:

Podcast #11 – 3 More Distortions

5. Jumping to Conclusions

This is when we jump to a conclusion that is not justified. We do this in 2 ways.

Mind Reading – we make negative assumptions about what another person is thinking. We assume they are not interested, or that they don’t “feel” like you do. Dr. Burns used the example of dining in a restaurant and watching a table that arrived after him get better service. The truth was that the server was waiting for him to finish an appetizer that Dr. Burns didn’t care for, before he brought the entree. A perfectly logical explanation and nothing personal.
Fortune Telling – this is when we make negative prediction about the future – all anxiety is caused by fortune telling. Examples are: the plane will crash, presentation will flop, etc. In anxiety, there are always thoughts that cause the anxiety. In a panic attack – I am going to go crazy, I am going to die. Depression – I am never going to get better, I will always be this way (hopelessness).

6. Magnification and Minimization

When we procrastinate or put something off, we are usually magnifying the task. We magnify when we imagine how delicious a donut is going to taste when we are trying to watch what we eat.

We do the opposite when we minimize. We convince ourselves that one donut won’t hurt.

7. Emotional Reasoning

This is when we reason from our feelings. Examples of what we might think are:

I feel anxious, so I must be in danger.
I feel hopeless, so I must be.

We believe our feelings. However, emotions are created by our thoughts and if thoughts are distorted, so are your feelings. There are causal linkages between thoughts and feelings that can operate both ways. Negative feelings cause negative thoughts – an initial thought will always precede the original feeling. It is like a domino effect.

Listen to Podcast #11 here:

Podcast 12 – 2 More Distortions

8. Should Statements

Self directed should statements create shame, guilt, and inadequacy. Other should statements (directed at others) create frustration and anger.

3 valid uses of the word should – legal should, laws of the universe should, moral should. All “shoulds” are a positive distortion.

9. Labeling

This is when we label ourselves – I am a loser or a failure – rather than allowing yourself to make mistakes.

Labeling others is painting others with broad brush strokes.

Examples:

A sexual abuse victim labels herself as dirty. This is distorted thinking as the person is a victim.

A mother calls herself a bad mother because her child struggling. This is distorted because the child’s struggles are not the mother’s fault.

Listen to Podcast #12 here:

Posted: May 27, 2020

Marital Therapy ,Individual Counselling ,Counselling

Dr. Burns – Podcast #5 – Agenda Setting

A is for Agenda Setting – This is the 2nd post in the Dr. Burns Podcast series. This Podcast focuses on addressing resistance. If you are not sure what therapeutic resistance is, read about it here.

If you want to listen to the entire podcast, take a listen here:

Here is the condensed, written version.

Agenda setting is inviting a person to work on the problem they are experiencing.

When individuals don’t rapidly overcome problems – in one or two sessions – resistance to change has not been addressed.

Even though we yearn for change, we cling to the familiar.

Resistance is difficult to understand, even for the resistant person. Depression is the worst form of suffering. Why would someone want to cling to depression? Or addiction? Or anxiety?

How do we melt resistance?

Step 1 – Invitation – Once the situation has been explained and the story told, simply ask if there is something in the situation they want help with.

Step 2 – Specificity – We can only work on one thing at a time, so the person must prioritize – Which problem would you like to work on first?

Step 3 – Time and Place – Think of a moment when this problem occurred.

Where were you? What was going on? What were you feeling?

For example, a client wanted help with low self-esteem (specific problem) and said that he got a very poor performance review at work that affected his self-esteem (When? Where? What was going on? Feeling?).

Step 4 – Conceptualization – What problem is the above person dealing with? The 4 potential categories are depression, anxiety, relational, or a non-problem.

What is a non-problem? A non-problem is when we feel something that is completely normal and healthy. For example, there are 2 kinds of grief. Although both are very hard to experience, uncomplicated grief is healthy and normal and therefore, a non-problem.

On the other hand, complicated grief is characterized by distorted thoughts like self blame or guilt. These distorted thoughts and feelings make grieving a difficult process to go through and so people end up “stuck”.

Back to our previous example. Once the moment is revealed, determine what the problem is. In the example above, is it a self-esteem problem? Conceptualize – is it depression, anxiety, and relationship problems. It probably is all of them.

Even though we have cognitive behavioral therapy tools that can help, we have to address resistance first. Ironically, therapist compassion and need to help can be the death of successful treatment.

Step 5 – Deal with resistance (process and outcome – not sure what these are? Read about these two types of resistance here)

It is great when someone wants help. However, offering the tools is not enough. Dr. Burns frames his resistance busting technique by saying to the client, “I can show you how to overcome your self-esteem problems, but you will have to do all the work. This process will be very hard. It seems unfair when you have to do the work (process resistance – you are the one that needs to commit to changing) when it is everyone else that has the problem (outcome resistance – be able to deal with other people more effectively).

At that point, the person dealing with the problem will decide if they willing to move forward and convince the clinician that they actually want help (resistance overcome).

If this podcast summary has peaked your interest and you want to hear more, I highly recommend Dr. Burns’ Feeling Good website. His podcasts are located here.

Posted: May 12, 2020

Marital Therapy ,Individual Counselling ,Counselling

Introduction to Dr. Burns Podcast – Resistance

Introducing Dr. David Burns

If you have ever been in to see me, you will have heard me talk highly of Dr. David Burns and his work in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I have recommended his podcast to many people, as listening to how he has helped others is truly inspiring!

Don’t want to take a listen, but still interested?

If podcasts just are not your cup of tea, (kind of akin to the Too Long; Didn’t Read variety, but with your ears), I thought I would break it down for you.

If you want to listen, here it is.

Podcast #1 – Resistance

Introduction

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) was popularized by Dr. Aaron Beck in the early 70’s.

At the time, David Burns found that pharmacology (prescribed drugs) was not helping his patients. As a result, Burns got interested in finding different methods to use and Dr. Beck’s Cognitive Behavioral Therapy was suggested.

Burns attended Aaron Beck’s weekly seminars and he found that his patients showed improvement when he tried the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy techniques.

However, some (about 1/3) clients stubbornly clung to “Yes, but…” and were not being helped.

Why? Why stuck?

They were stuck because of Therapeutic Resistance. They cling to the familiar.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (or any treatment, for that matter) will not be helpful without addressing resistance.

Once resistance is melted away, the strategy is very effective.

Types of Resistance

Resistance broken down into 8 most common categories.

There are 4 targets – Addictions, Relationship Problems, Anxiety and Depression.

For each target, there are 2 types of resistance – Outcome and Process resistance.

Addictions

Outcome resistance – this is when a positive outcome isn’t really wanted.

For example, if an alcoholic is offered an instant cure, the addict may truly believe that alcohol (or any other addiction) is the only source of escape, pleasure, relief, etc. in their life. Therefore, they don’t really want to become sober – outcome resistance.

Process Resistance – This is when you don’t want to do the required work to accomplish desired outcome. For example, someone might want to lose weight, but is not willing to change behavior (exercise or diet) to accomplish weight goals – process resistance.

Couples therapy – often doesn’t take resistance into account.

Outcome resistance – The truth might be that one partner doesn’t want a close relationship with the other person anymore. If the relationship has eroded to a terrible point, the partner may feel hurt or resentful and not want the other person in their life – outcome resistance.

Process resistance – Sometimes, we blame our partner for the difficulties in the relationship and feel we are not responsible at all. We are not willing to stop blaming, nor are we motivated to take any responsibility. Because of our position, we not willing to make any changes that might improve the relationship – process resistance.

Anxiety

Outcome resistance – magical thinking – if the anxiety disappears, something horrible will happen.

For example, let’s say you are a chronic worrier and worry about everything. If I suggest to you that you can push a magic button and your anxiety will disappear. Sometimes the worrier has a deeply rooted belief that if the button is pushed and the worrying goes away, something horrible will happen.

To explain further, it is discovered that a person with Obsessive/Compulsive tendencies fears deeply that if they don’t wash their hands, they will contaminate their children with a terrible disease. Therefore, the person does not want to stop the behavior – outcome resistance.

Process resistance – Often when dealing with anxiety, we must face the things we are anxious about. This is called Exposure and it can be terrifying – process resistance.

Depression

Outcome Resistance – The main resistance has to do with non-acceptance. There is something about ourselves that we don’t want to accept leading to self doubt. We must accept who we are and lower standards. By doing this, we might think that we are settling for the second best version of self- let go of the ego. The impression of self is more powerful than the “real” self – outcome resistance.

For example, a violent local drug dealer was suicidal. He had low self-esteem and considered himself a a hopeless case. Through prompting, he looked at positives and negatives of continuing with his lifestyle.

He thought the biggest cost was that he would be dead in 2 years. However, staying the same easy and familiar (benefit), he could get stoned all the time (benefit), he had a strong public identity and prestige (benefit), he was powerful (benefit), he got unlimited sex (benefit), he didn’t have to follow rules (benefit), and he was never disappointed in himself (benefit).

It was clear that being a “hopeless case” had many benefits. Why would he want to give it up? The man realized that living was more important than all of the benefits his lifestyle afforded him.

Process Resistance – homework – the effect of doing homework is huge. Improvement is directly related to doing, or not doing, homework. Homework always involves working on some sort of change and many of us don’t like change. It isn’t easy – process resistance.

There is Podcast #1 in a nutshell. Please feel free to check out Dr. Burns’ website. His work is truly inspiring and can be a game changer for you!

Posted: March 18, 2020

Counselling

Great News! TWO Locations and Virtual Sessions!

Great news! We now officially have 2 locations to serve the beautiful Okanagan Valley.

Kelowna

Our Kelowna office is centrally located and very convenient. It is in the Spall Business Centre right across from Princess Auto at 8A – 1873 Spall Road, Kelowna. V1Y 4R2.

The Spall Business Centre (SBC) has a comfortable waiting room and ample parking. For security purposes, the front entrance is locked after 5 pm. You can either ring the buzzer by the door or just text your counsellor to let them know you have arrived.

Penticton

Our Penticton location is 1582 Lawrence Ave. Connie has made a beautiful office space on the lower floor of her residence. It is a very comfortable, warm space and totally private.

Parking for this location is either on the street, or in the right hand driveway behind the beautiful classic car. The entrance is through the gate to the back yard and down the stairs on the right hand side of the house. There is no waiting room, so in consideration for others, if you could arrive at your appointment time and not before, that would be appreciated.

As always, we offer confidential, evidenced-based individual and couples counselling services at both locations. We can help with issues such as depression, anxiety, stress, grief, trauma, anger management, relational difficulties, career guidance, coping with parental alienation or divorce, or to provide clarity about unwanted or confusing emotions and feelings.

Virtual

Our locations in Kelowna and Penticton are perfect for face to face sessions. However, in light of the current Covid 19 situation, it is understandable that many people are just staying home. No problem! You can have an equally beneficial session online as well. We can use many options like Google Hangouts or Google Meet (both great options ), Skype, or just a good old fashioned phone conversation. Whatever works best for you!